A Geriatric Doctor Answers Your Questions About Caring for Aging Parents
Caring for ageing parents can be an overwhelming experience, especially when health challenges begin to surface. Whether it’s physical or cognitive decline, the transition into senior care involves emotional and practical considerations. To guide you through this, I sat down with Dr Angela Baker, a geriatrician with over 20 years of experience in helping families care for their ageing loved ones. Below, she answers some of the most common questions adult children have about caring for ageing parents.
Dr Baker: It’s never too early to start having conversations about your parent’s future care preferences. I encourage families to begin these discussions while their parents are still relatively healthy and can participate in decision-making. Often, waiting until a crisis occurs leads to rushed decisions that may not reflect your parents’ wishes. Open and honest conversations should include topics like long-term care options, living arrangements, financial planning, and healthcare proxies. The earlier these talks start, the smoother the transition will be if the need for care arises.
Dr. Baker: Knowing when to step in can be difficult, especially if your parents are independent or resistant to help. However, some signs may indicate they need extra assistance. Look out for changes in their appearance, such as poor hygiene, weight loss, or unkempt clothes. If your parents start neglecting household chores, missing appointments, or showing signs of memory loss, it might be time to consider home help or other care options. Additionally, if you notice mobility issues or frequent falls, this is a red flag that intervention is necessary.
It’s important to balance your concerns with respect for their autonomy. A collaborative approach where you express your observations and offer help rather than making decisions for them can ease the process.
Dr. Baker: There are several care options available depending on your parents’ needs. For those who are still relatively independent but require some assistance, in-home care services can be a great solution. These services provide help with daily tasks such as cooking, cleaning, medication management, and transportation.
For parents who require more comprehensive care, assisted living facilities offer a balance of independence and support. Residents live in private or semi-private apartments but have access to 24-hour care, meals, and social activities.
If your parent has significant medical needs or requires round-the-clock supervision, a skilled nursing facility or frail care home might be the best option. These facilities offer advanced medical care, including help with activities of daily living (ADLs), medication administration, physical therapy, and more.
Finally, for those with dementia or Alzheimer’s, specialized memory care units are designed to provide a safe and supportive environment with staff trained in cognitive care.
Dr. Baker: Choosing the right care option involves evaluating your parents’ current and potential future needs. Start by having your parent undergo a thorough health assessment, including cognitive and physical evaluations. This will give you a clearer understanding of their level of independence and what type of assistance they require.
Consider their personal preferences and lifestyle when choosing care. Would they prefer staying at home with some modifications, or would they benefit from the social environment of assisted living? It’s also essential to involve them in the decision-making process as much as possible. Additionally, consider financial resources and long-term affordability. Certain care options, like in-home care, may be more expensive in the long run than transitioning to a facility.
You can also speak with a geriatric care manager, a professional who can help assess your parent’s needs and make recommendations for the appropriate care.
Dr Baker: It’s common for ageing parents to resist help, as accepting care can feel like a loss of independence. This can be an emotional and frustrating situation for both sides. I recommend approaching the conversation with empathy, listening to your parent’s concerns, and validating their feelings.
Rather than framing the conversation as “taking over” their care, try positioning it as helping them maintain their independence and quality of life. Offer small forms of assistance initially, such as a weekly cleaning service or meal delivery, to ease them into accepting help. Sometimes, having a trusted doctor or a neutral third party involved can help them see the necessity of care.
In cases of severe resistance, where safety becomes a concern, it might be necessary to take a more assertive approach, especially if cognitive decline is involved. Legal options such as guardianship or power of attorney may need to be explored in extreme cases.
Dr Baker: Caregiver burnout is a significant risk for anyone caring for an ageing parent, especially if you are balancing caregiving with work and family responsibilities. The first step in preventing burnout is to acknowledge that it’s okay to ask for help. You don’t have to do everything yourself.
Consider enlisting professional caregivers or reaching out to family members for support. Take advantage of respite care services that offer temporary relief so you can take time to rest and recharge. Setting boundaries is also critical—determine what you can realistically handle and be clear about what falls outside of those limits.
Additionally, practice self-care by maintaining your social connections, hobbies, and interests outside of caregiving. Staying physically active and managing stress through activities like yoga or meditation can also help keep you emotionally balanced.
Finally, support groups for caregivers can provide an outlet to share experiences, offer advice, and remind you that you’re not alone in this journey.
Dr. Baker: Helping your parents age gracefully involves a holistic approach to their well-being. Encourage healthy lifestyle habits, including a balanced diet, regular exercise, and mental stimulation. Help them stay socially connected by encouraging them to participate in community activities or clubs. Studies show that seniors who are socially engaged tend to experience less cognitive decline and depression.
Keeping their healthcare routine on track is also vital. Ensure they are up-to-date with medical appointments, screenings, and vaccinations. If they have chronic conditions, work closely with their doctors to manage symptoms and medications effectively.
Finally, fostering a sense of purpose in their daily lives can make a big difference. Whether it’s taking up a new hobby, volunteering, or spending time with family, these activities can improve their mental and emotional health.
Caring for ageing parents is a journey that requires patience, empathy, and planning. By preparing in advance and taking a proactive approach, you can ensure that your parents receive the care they need while maintaining their dignity and quality of life. Remember, you don’t have to navigate this path alone—reach out to professionals, caregivers, and support systems to help you along the way.
